I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
