She said her name was "party"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
