my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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