hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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