I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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