OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
