I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
