Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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