the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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