He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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