What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
