trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
