false alarm. still invincible.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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