I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
