LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
We smell like vodka and hangover
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