allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
