I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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