The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
