so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
