So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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