What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
