i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
