i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
