Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
