Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
