How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
