He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
