Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
