she looked like the bat from fern gully.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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