I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
