Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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