I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
