i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
