The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
