i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
