I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
