What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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