So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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