you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
