rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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