I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
