The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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