She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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