i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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