There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
