He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
