I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
