Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
