I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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