just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
