i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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