I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
