sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
