I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
