i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
